I feared the worst when Guitar Hero III development duties went to Neversoft (makers of Tony Hawk 1-8 and Gun). They've existed simply to pump out a new Tony Hawk every holiday season for what seems like forever. I let myself believe that they wouldn't ruin the game Harmonix crafted once they started releasing the song list. There were too many good songs for the game to suck. The battle mode seemed weird but I was willing to look past it. I shouldn't have. Guitar Hero III isn't anywhere near the other two in terms of execution, or more importantly.... fun.

I know this might make me unpopular with both readers and a few of our writers, but I honestly believe it. Read on to find out why.

We'll start with all the things they fucked up that don't really impact the gameplay, but still suck. First of all, the re-designed characters. They are almost without fail ugly and distracting. Judy Nails sprang huge tits and the singer looks like he could swallow a watermelon whole. They got rid of a few characters only to introduce a few new ones that don't fit the Guitar Hero look. Secondly the arenas moved beyond anything even remotely realistic to where now the final venue is Hell. I know Guitar Hero II ended in Stonehenge with a UFO but at least Stonehenge is a real place.

And let's talk for a minute about the product placement. Axe body spray, Stride gum and Pontiac.... this is Rock n' Roll? A music video shoot with a Pontiac banner hanging behind them? Axe dancers that might as well be strippers on stage while you're playing Rage Against the Machine? A Stride Rite "cinnamon tasting station" in a dive bar? COME THE FUCK ON. If you're going to put such blatant ads in games, at least try to make them apply to what the game's about. Want to make money off Pontiac? Make a driving game.

But that's all meaningless if the gameplay were tight. But it's not. The note patterns and hammer-on/pull-offs often don't make sense for the notes you're playing. Chalk it up to a company that never made a rhythm game trying to follow a company founded on music. Take for example Weezer's "My Name is Jonas." The entire opening riff is made up of HO/PO's (Hammer-ons/Pull-Offs) even though each note is clearly plucked as a separate note in the song. Other times you'll be presented with a 5 note run along the fret board of HO/PO's where the middle note isn't, even though the notes you hear clearly are. It's confusing and completely counter-intuitive.

I know why they did it, because it makes the game harder. But it makes it harder in a totally cheap way. I don't mind a game that's legitimately difficult, but this one is hard in that old school NES cheap way. Like in RC Pro-Am when one car would get 3 times faster than any other all the sudden. Hard, but cheap.

Also, the "Boss" battles have GOT to go. They're a weak link and outright stupid. The three that exist in the game's campaign aren't even remotely fun and are nothing more than a chore. The final one is especially annoying. I understand they took the co-op game and made it competitive (which also sucks) but there really ought to be the option to avoid this segments. I don't want to do battle with fucking power-ups breaking strings or making my bang around the whammy bar. I want to play awesome songs and feel like a fucking rock star. Guitar Hero III misses the point.

Now that game does do some things right, namely the playlist. The playlist in Guitar Hero III kicks ass. There's a huge number of master tracks here and a few were even re-recorded just for the game like the Sex Pistols and Living Colour. The patterns detract from the songs, but it's hard to deny there's a tons of great music here.

I wish it weren't true, but it is. GH3 is by far the worst one of the bunch so far. The additions, subtractions and changes almost without fail make the game worse than either Guitar Hero I or II. Shocking, maybe, but nonetheless it's true. It earns a huge "meh." I'd rather play Guitar Hero II and wait till Rock band comes out.

Comments (17)

Name

Email

Website

Title

Comment

smaller | bigger

Subscribe via email (registered users only)

Add Comment