I like Left 4 Dead.  I like it a lot.  Some might call my love for the game bordering on obsession.  It's true that Valve has made an amazing game that's fun, original, and infinitely replayable.  It was one of my favorite games of last year and I still play it often.

This does not mean the game is perfect.  In fact, while I was recording a podcast a few days ago my friends and I started talking about possible ways to improve the game... we came up with a few ideas that could make the game just a little bit better.  I know there is a patch already out for the PC (and hopefully coming to the 360 soon) that might make one or more of these problems less of an issue, but since I play L4D on the 360 and we still don't have the patch I wouldn't know.  What follows is the short list we compiled during our discussion on the game:

Safe Houses that go BOOM!

A few weeks ago I was in a Versus game on the Blood Harvest campaign playing as the Infected.  I was patiently waiting for the survivors to leave the safe room, inspecting the pulsating tumors of various sizes on both of my arms, when it seemed like my patience had finally paid off.  One of the survivors looked like he was going to exit the room, instead, he opened the door and immediately turned around and returned to the far end of the safe room.

Apparently, the survivors had decided they were sick of playing the game, instead they decided they were going to sit and wait for us to come to them.  If you've played Left 4 Dead you know how hard it is to kill four survivors who are all bunched in a room with unlimited ammo and only one door for the Infected to come through.  Basically, surprise attacks are not an option.  And the worst part of this problem?  This kind of thing happens a lot.

But fear not; as I have a solution that will immediately solve this growing problem.  All Valve has to do is place some timed explosives in the safe rooms that explode five minutes after the game begins.  This gives the survivors plenty of time to leave the safe room and it ensures that the Infected won't have to deal with four idiots hiding in a safe room when they should be out in the open ready for me to ravage them until they cry for mercy.

Infected Opossums

I think the Infected should be able to play dead (not call upon hordes of zombie opossums, although I would settle for that feature too), to allow for surprise attacks.  Just think how much more nervous the survivors would be as they pass every corpse thinking maybe that "dead" Smoker or Hunter is really alive and just waiting for them to turn their back on it?  And since the Boomer has an... explosive death, it wouldn't work for him; but if it did that wouldn't be fair so that actually works out.

And to keep this feature from being abused every one or two seconds an Infected stays in Opossum Status (Catchy, isn't it?) they lose one point of their health.

Respawn Zombie Playtime!

Have you noticed that the ratio of time spent actually playing as the Infected to time spent waiting to respawn in a Versus match is about 50:50?  That's ridiculous!  I don't want to wait THIRTY seconds to respawn every time I die, especially when the time I spend alive is usually shorter than that. (I'm not great at the game by the way...)  Yes, you reply?  That's a common problem for you too, you say?  But Adam, what's the solution, you ask?

Settle down, dear reader: the answer is simple.  Let the Infected play as the... Infected (zombies) while they wait to respawn.  It doesn't tip the balance towards the Infected's favor, as the zombies have little health and can't cause much damage.  Plus, it gives the Infected something to do while they wait THIRTY seconds to respawn.  Great idea, you say?  I whole-heartedly agree.

In conclusion, I'm sure there's plenty more that can be fixed, but I think that most of my other issues will be taken care of in the upcoming patch and DLC.  Stuff like the various objects the Infected can move in front of doors (and a certain elevator...), and the cold fact that the Smoker sucks (do I seriously have to drag a survivor eighty feet before I can start damaging him?).  These are just my ideas and opinions; I love Left 4 Dead, and I think Valve has made an extraordinary game.  If you doubt my love for the game, let me just say that if I could I would marry Left 4 Dead and have its babies.  Four babies named Louis, Francis, Bill, and Zoey.  We would live in a town house in the country.  There'd be a garden.

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