Some kids are batshit crazy.  Don’t believe me?  Watch this film.  Though, a little warning to those who are interested in experiencing this movie, if you’re planning on adopting a child I recommend you pass on this film.  Seriously.  I’m telling you this for your own good.  I like kids and all, but after watching this movie I don’t think I’ll ever look at another kid the same way again; that’s how scarring this movie was for me.  But is it any good?  I guess you’ll just have to continue reading to find out. (Warning to those who haven’t yet seen the film, spoilers may ensue.)

Orphan is about a couple who decide to adopt an older child after the death of their daughter Jessica, who died in the womb.  They meet a young girl named Esther at an orphanage and decide she’s the one they need to complete their new family.  As soon as they take Esther home things start to go awry as we begin to see a darker side to the supposedly innocent little girl.  Kids start getting hurt, and the mother (played by the ultra-talented Vera Farmiga) begins to think that Esther is behind all of the things that are going wrong.  But things only get worse when this psychotic little girl commits a rather gruesome murder.

The best characters in this film (besides Vera, whom I love unconditionally) are the normal children, especially Max (Aryana Engineer) who is possibly the most adorable girl I’ve ever seen.  The contrast between Max and Esther becomes stronger as the film progresses as Max is forced to help Esther with her dark deeds.  In the second half of the movie the couple’s son, Daniel (played by Jimmy Bennett) discovers Esther’s wicked side, which is followed by one of the most memorable scenes in the film.  Let me set it up for you: After witnessing one of Esther’s ‘activities’, she walks into his room while he’s sleeping and wakes him up by pressing a blade to his throat.  Esther then threatens to “cut off his hairless prick before you find out what it’s for.”

In the end, this is a pretty good movie as long as you don’t go in expecting too much.  As a highly suspenseful thriller Orphan excels, but that’s about it.  There are some cheap scares, even some fake ones, there are moments that will make you cringe, and others that might make you laugh out loud.  As for that secret of Esther's that's supposedly so far fetched you shouldn't be able to guess it?  Rubbish.  I guessed it by the end of the first act, and I am certainly no film oracle.  If you’re looking for a good movie to invest two hours of your precious weekend time into, this is certainly a movie I would recommend… just don’t bring the kids.

Orphan is rated R, for Creepy Ass Kids who F#%King Kill People.

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