|
 [a full-on review of "The Wizard" that will boggle the mind and delight the senses. From our new video-game-movie-reviewer, Joe. I'm giving him the task of reviewing any and all game related movies. May god have mercy on his soul -ed.]
The preliminary round of Video Armageddon has finished. The surviving contestants stumble out into the California sun, dazed by the announcement that the final round will be conducted by the playing of . . . a new game. Fred Savage can't believe it. It's totally unfair. The competition's heavy favorite, the vaunted Lucas, emerges with his entourage seeing Savage and his brother, Jimmy the Retard, standing at the foot of the steps. One of Lucas's underlings assures him that he will crush Savage's strange little brother, to which Lucas replies: "Yeah, yeah, look Dork-lips, why don't you make yourself useful and get me a cold drink."
These are the last words of the Lucas I know; the boy with a golden, flowing mullet, whom God endowed with a great and mysterious gaming gift. The Lucas I know had a chance to take the Video Armageddon championship cleanly. But it wasn't meant to be, moments after putting his nameless friend in his place, Lucas chooses a different path. A path cleared by betrayal and paved by the forces of evil.
The spirit of pure competition the selfless Nintendo Corporation hoped to inspire with Video Armageddon was forever tainted by Lucas when, seeing Putnam, the relentless finder of missing children and Savage's step-family, the Batemans, at Universal Studios Theme Park screamed, "Hey! Hey you! Up here! Hey! Over here!" Giving away both Fred Savage and Jimmy the Retard.
Savage, seeking to help Jimmy the Retard overcome whatever it is that's wrong with him, wants to take his brother to the limit. Maybe on the edge of the poorly graphicked virtual world of late 1980s video games can Jimmy find the mind he lost when his sister drowne; a tragedy that caused his parents to divorce, driving his two half-brothers and stepfather away, so that his mother could remarry some asshole who is actually his second stepfather (since she was originally married to someone else that isn't mentioned) and seems to want to send him to a home for no real reason at all. Your typical American family. That is what sent these two runaway brothers on a fantastic journey from Utah to California; a journey that crossed paths with that of Lucas.
 Lucas operates on a level almost inconceivable to Fred Savage and Jimmy the Retard. He owns ninety-seven games . . . and he's good at all of them. He loves the Power Glove, it's so bad. Jimmy the Retard is intimidated by both the intensity of the Power Glove and Savage's half-assed attempt to protect Haley, the red-headed "resourceful girl" who has managed to glob onto them, and he flees before he and Lucas have their showdown.
As Grant had Lee and Rommel had Patton, so too did Lucas have Jimmy the Retard. It was destiny that brought them together once more in the preliminary round of Video Armageddon. Lucas should have been playing for the love of the game, but somewhere between his dusty small town and L.A., Lucas sold his soul (perhaps to Putnam for 30 silver shekels). He lost sight of what was most important and concentrated only on the win. Lucas, oh gentle gamer, why?
Jimmy the Retard doesn't know about winning or losing. He knows only the game; the flips of Ninja Gaiden, the leaping straight-legged kicks of Double Dragon, the weaving monotony of Rad Racer. He is on a quest; a journey of self-discovery that can only be fulfilled by the product launch of the third installment of Super Mario Brothers.
Super-fucking-Mario-fucking-3, any questions?
Actually, there are a lot of questions left unanswered by this film. The subplots driving the story are needlessly complicated and in many cases worked against the conflict. The thrice-split family dynamic is the most confusing. I had trouble connecting the lines between who was half-related to whom and why that was even important. The main storyline, a boy trying to save his brother from being sent to a hospital is enough.
Being chased by a comic-relief kiddy bounty hunter is also enough. The wicked stepfather and ready-to-give-up mother lead the audience to believe that maybe Jimmy the Retard would actually be better off in the hospital. At the very least it takes away from the viewer rooting for the kid's safe return home. The pursuing father and brother serve not to drive the action, but rather to show that you can take your NES console with you on road trips and plug it into any TV you find. Which brings us to what "The Wizard" is really about.
 This picture is basically a 100-minute commercial for all things Nintendo. From the brand-specific games played by Jimmy the Retard to the unveiling of the Power Glove and Super Mario Bros. 3 to the versatile, travel-ready NES console lugged cross-country by Christian Slater and Beau Bridges, this film is meant only to hypnotize its audience with Nintendoiana.
To that end, the film works; mainly because at the time it was made, Nintendo was the big boy on the block. The game console which introduced the feature of actually being able to pause game play was one of the biggest leaps for gamers since the advent of the game cartridge. With that said, it's doubtful that this film could be made today. For today's gamer to be considered a "Wizard" he would need to have a mastery of a slew of different games on multiple platforms. At press, Nintendo has a lot riding on the launch of Wii, hoping to claw some of its original market share back from Sony and Microsoft. For a film to have any weight with gaming fans and an educated audience, a present day Video Armageddon would have to include at least these three manufacturers and it's doubtful that they would all agree on the amount of screen time given to each system and its respective programming.
 This film is a time capsule, something that could not have been created either before or after its era. It is also one of the first instances where gaming manufacturers devoted a large sum of money in an attempt to expand a player-base by means other than traditional advertising. This acknowledgement of the need to reach fans might be taken for granted today in an age of a multi-billion dollar gaming industry, but in 1989, it was an enormous gamble. The mid-December release date was by no means a coincidence and The Wizard assuredly boosted sales of not only the NES, but also the much-anticipated Super Mario Bros. 3, and the Power Glove. A solid holiday season that helped cement the NES as one of the best selling consoles of all time.
As commercial, it works very well, but there is little doubt about the cinematic worth of this film. At best, The Wizard serves as an interesting piece of nostalgia and at worst it's a guilty pleasure for those who love the Fred Savage's body of work. Most who watch this poorly written/produced/directed/acted work of art might actually mistake it for a lost episode of The Wonder Years' the one where Kevin Arnold runs away from the omni-rememberant voice-over that explains what his motivation is supposed to be.
|
Bloguin is the revolutionary blog network specifically focused on helping bloggers get the most out of their websites. We're currently working on building a large network of online communities and hope to expand our blogging coverage to include a wide range of topics. 
The Bloguin Network allows advertisers to promote their products and services to our ever-growing number of visitors. We offer both site-specific ad placements as well as the ability to run a network-wide campaign. If you're interested in working with Bloguin to meet your advertising needs, please contact us.
The Bloguin Network is always looking to expand. We're specifically looking for blogs in the sports, entertainment, and video games field, but are open to adding any type of quality site.. If you're a blogger and interested in joining our network, please fill out our application form.
The Bloguin Login gives you full access to everything our network has to offer. Your name and password will work for each and every one of our sites. Signing up is simple, and will allow you to post in all our forums, create member blogs, and access other cool features! What are you waiting for? Create an Account! 