Whew, we end up killing time during the day with these gmail conversations and very rarely do we even think about posting them. But it ended up being pretty funny, and we spew hate in many many directions over the course of the discussion. Easily upset fanboys probably won’t be happy…

Dan: I was looking for you online last night but the 360 showed you as “away” all night
Jimmy: hmmm… Hailea must have left it on like a mook. i didn’t get home til 9, then we watched King of Kong.
Dan: I wanna see it, is it out for rent?
Jimmy: Comes out Tuesday, and it’s FANTASTIC. Billy Mitchell and Twin Galaxies are pretty much frauds.
Dan: It never came out near here, so I’ve been waiting
Jimmy: Well worth owning. There’s some I am 8-bit stuff in the special features too, including a short history of Donkey Kong cartoon done by one of the artists. Now if only I can find somewhere that sells it.
Dan: amazon?
Jimmy: yeah, probably go that route.
Dan: cool
Jimmy: yeah, the whole disc is pretty sweet sir. It really plays out like a movie, despite being a doc. Why were you looking for me anyways? weren’t you playing shitty Burnout?
Dan: bah!

Jimmy: so did you have any interest in the new advance wars?
Dan: not really
Jimmy: k - I won’t bore you then.
Dan: I had the gba one, I dug it but it wasn’t a mind-blower…
Jimmy: no worries sir. it’s a personal fav of mine, so i was just wondering who i might have to play online with.
Dan: Played No More Heroes last night
Jimmy: How was it? crap? I’ll bet it was crap.
Dan: Actually it’s pretty cool
Jimmy: Like, cold crap?
Dan: It’s gonna get repetitive, but I had fun.
Jimmy: Enjoy mowing lawns.
Dan: Prolly the first Wii game I’ve played that didn’t make me hate it cause of the controls
Jimmy: That’s cool. how do the controls work?
Dan: You swing the sword using the A button and only swing the Wii mote for a finishing move
Jimmy: Lame. no offense, I like swinging shit around.
Dan: there’s a few other moments of swinging the Wii-mote around like a jackass, but luckily it’s not often… what can I say, I fucking hate it most times.
Jimmy: I’ll pretend like you said that in reference to the game. [smile]
Dan: I’m not even sure why I still even own a Wii
Jimmy: i’ve felt that way a few times. i’m sure you could get a pretty penny for it on ebay.
Dan: You know what I say to myself whenever I play a new game on the Wii?
Jimmy: Last game?
Dan: “This would be a cool game with a real controller”
Jimmy: lol.. well then you probably don’t need to own a wii that bad sir. Plus, the VC rocks.
Dan: I can’t even remember the last time I bought a VC game
Jimmy: ahh.. i love the VC. Star Tropics is schweet.
Dan: The SMB Lost levels and Sin and Punishment where my best buys there
Jimmy: How did you get those? I thought they weren’t on the North America VC?
Dan:: Anyway, I actually dig the over the top violence of No More Heroes, very Kill Bill. SMB:LL and S&P are Japanese releases… 1st time in NA on the VC
Jimmy: but they’re available on the NA VC? (and lost levels was in all-stars, you dink)
Dan: I coulda swore it said 1st time in NA
Jimmy: You never owned Super Mario All-Stars on the SNES?
Dan: pfft…
Jimmy: Dude — best versions of NES SMB games EVER.just sayin’.
Dan: Maybe I’ll hook up the SNES and play it
Jimmy: Yeah, it’s sweet dude. And lost levels is totally on there.
Dan: It’d be nice to play a nintendo game with a legitimate control scheme
Jimmy: lol.. import the snes pad for the VC!
Dan: I have the classic controller
Jimmy: yeah, but the SNES pad is +2 kitsch, which turns into +5 cool.
Dan: I’ve dumped enough cash into Wii controllers trying to make it fun, I’m done… That Wii Zapper was the final straw.
Jimmy: you should just mail me all your games and accessories. [smile]
Dan: um, ok?

[Time Passes]

Jimmy: Listen, you’re not talking and I’m bored, so I’m gonna be random unless you entertain me dammit!
Dan: Sorry, can’t help it… work… So, let me tell you all about No More Heroes
Jimmy: please do.
Dan: seriously, why the NMH hate?
Jimmy: it looks like crap, Killer 7 was crap, and everyone thinks its going to be brilliant just because Soda Pop 57 is involved — a guy who hasn’t actually made a good game. Slick visuals do not a good game make. If it did, we’d be playing Night Trap 10 by now.
Dan: lol, I actually dug the whole Assassin’s guild aspect, plus the Beam Katana is pretty kick ass.
Jimmy: Wow! Assassin’s Creed + Star Wars + the same photoshop filter? Where do I sign?? Also, the limited edition comes with a card that officially makes you a card carrying weirdo.
Dan: That the same card that comes with Cookies and Cream?
Jimmy: Hey! Don’t knock my cookies and cream! It’s the only game you can play with your girlfriend while she’s giving you a handy!
Dan: Not true… Rez with the vib attachment, everyone wins! And just cause they both involve assassins doesn’t mean they’re the same
Jimmy: Nobody wins sir. Rez was garbage. there. i said it.
Dan: Fuck that, I loved that game
Jimmy: I know you did sir, and i totally disagree.
Dan: I think all that free health care and lack of gun violence has finally destroyed your mind [a knock against him being Canadian that obviously went over his head -Dan]
Jimmy: Ok. I think the conversation officially crashed because I’m actually confused now… thereby validating your theory.
Dan: lol, why don’t you like REZ, seriously… it’s not your typical game, granted… as an artistic thing you didn’t enjoy it?
Jimmy: Because it’s a generic on rails shooter that pretends to be cool by offering a laser show on par with the kind they have on Thursday nights at Six Flags? yeah. that’s pretty much it. I mean, at least Space Giraffe had a space giraffe in it. What does Rez have?
Dan: I still love that I got you to buy Space Giraffe after all that hate you spewed about it
Jimmy: Bah.. I only bought it to spite you. same reason i bought Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
Dan: Yea yea, whatever you need to tell yourself to be able to sleep at night
Jimmy: It’s not what I tell you, it’s what I tell your girl. And what I tell her is “shhhhh… Don’t tell Dan.”
also — I tell her “I don’t care what Dan likes in there, stay out of my rumpus room!”
Dan: Well, guess what? She does tell me… so there!
Jimmy: dammit!
Dan:So when are you picking up Burnout?
Jimmy: You mean to spite you?
Dan: That wall of hate started crumbling the second you saw me playing it… texting me asking how it was
Jimmy: Only a little sir… and it’s not my fault they fucked it up. Burnout was a perfectly good franchise.
Dan: Agreed, but they needed to move it in a new direction… people can’t just make the same game over and over unless it has Mario in it
Jimmy: bah.. Burnout always changed things up a little game after game and kept it fresh. This wasn’t changing things up a little — this was a complete makeover, and the series didn’t need it. now it’s garbage. if I wanted an open world, I’d open the front door.
Dan:perhaps… I do miss the crash mode, but I kinda dig how the game evolved.
Jimmy: nah, fuck it. evolution is for fish and monkeys. I’m gonna spend my hard earned $8 on Burnout Dominator instead thank you very much.
Dan: you’re missing out
Jimmy: on what? frustration in trying to find some god damned highway exit when it should just be laid out in a track like before? Tell you what — if you’re still loving it in a few days when i can get distracted from advance wars, let me know and I MAY give it a rent.
Dan: bam!
Jimmy: Emeril? is that you?
you don’t want me to kill again, do you?
so much blood.
alright sir — I’m going to leave you with that and hop in the shower. I look forward to seeing how you edit this mess into a beautiful flower. back later.
Dan: btw, Amanda quite enjoyed watching me play TF2 over the weekend, I may have to marry that girl
Jimmy: I think so.
Dan: Maybe we should run this on the site…
Jimmy: Text Podcast!