Motor vehicle theft has been on the rise in America as many videogame players are stuck inside playing the newly released Grand Theft Auto IV (GTAIV) for the Xbox 360 and the PS3.

“I’ve been playing since [Tuesday] and so I haven’t had a chance to leave the house,” said Flim Rednose, a local retail manager. “So, today I went out to get some Wendy’s and realized that my car had been stolen.”

Police are blaming videogames, once again, for the rise in car thefts around the country. According to Cpt. Earl Mergot, a policeman in Newcastle, PA, car thieves have been stealing the cars of videogame players who are addicted to the non-linear gameplay of GTAIV. Players are inside while their cars are getting stolen outside.

“They need to freakin’ leave the house and do something with their lives. Meanwhile, crime is thriving in the streets, and these guys are inside playing videogames. It’s a shame.”

Rednose said he’s never had this problem before and he’s had plenty of videogame playing binges in his life.

“This is the first time where a game I’ve been playing for a while has actually crept into my real life. Oh, except for that time my Swift Palomino was stolen while I was playing WoW.”

ahem… Satire: n. - the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc. (i.e. it’s a joke)