Steve Easterbrook, the CEO of McDonald’s UK, has accused his little brother of breaking their mother’s antique vase over the Christmas holiday.

According to Easterbrook, he and his little brother were playing with a little ball they got as a stocking stuffer in the living room of their mother’s house while waiting for Christmas dinner to be ready. Easterbrook threw the ball to his little brother and he failed to catch it, resulting in the breaking of their mother’s vase.

“If he wasn’t standing by the vase when I chucked the ball to him, the ball would’ve just hit the wall instead of the vase,” said Easterbrook. “It’s all his fault. He should’ve caught it too. I didn’t throw it that hard.”

Karl Easterbrook claims it was both their fault and takes full responsibility for the accident.

“We shouldn’t have been throwing the ball in the living room. That’s the real issue. It doesn’t matter who chucked it or didn’t catch it. Sorry mum.”

Mattie Easterbrook, the boys’ mother, agrees.

“The boys shouldn’t have been playing with the ball in the living room. And besides, Steve shouldn’t having been chucking the ball so hard. He knows that Karl isn’t a good ball player. He’s just having a laugh at his brother’s expense. It’s like this every year.”

According to Steve, his mother just doesn’t see the big picture.

“Sure, I chucked the ball, but that doesn’t mean anything. It’s not the person who throws the ball, it’s the person who’s supposed to catch it, isn’t it? I’ve done nothing wrong. He’s the one who broke the vase mum. Not me.”

The two brothers are still at odds and haven’t spoken to each other since the incident. According to Karl, this happens every year.

“He’s always messing about with things and then blaming me when something goes wrong. Sometimes he blames me for things that I’m not even involved in. One year, he blamed me for his gaining weight! Think of that!”

ahem… Satire: n. - the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc. (i.e. it’s a joke)

A report published by the charitable organization Scientific Science claims that celebrities are being tricked by a Nintendo DS game into joining a “mind training” cult.

Brain Age is published by Nintendo and claims to help develop your mind using various mini-games of logic and reflex. According to Nintendo, playing the game daily will help to get your mind in shape and keep your thinking fresh and young as you get older. Scientific Science thinks otherwise.

“Sure, playing a reflex game over and over again will help you to cultivate that particular reflex,” said Gordon Shumway, a researcher for The Melmac Institute and a Scientific Science board member. “But your mind isn’t going to get any younger. This isn’t some quick-fix solution to help you find your keys.”

Nicole Kidman and Patrick Stewart have been endorsing the game and a group of like-minded celebrities have even started a Brain Age Centre in Hollywood. Ray Bradbury, the famous science fiction writer, started the group and has developed a system of teachings based on the game. He’s confident that by reading his teachings and playing the game that people will start to think clearer and become happier as a result.

“I’ve included all of my knowledge in the teachings. I guarantee that if you follow them, you will be a better person. The book will be available in stores soon.”

Some people are concerned that Bradbury and his group are more aligned with a cult then with a group of brain exercise enthusiasts. Mark Tummell, the founder of COW (Cult Organizations are Weird), a cult watchdog group, sees signs of a cult starting to form. He’s afraid that people will get sucked in by the pseudo-science and be trapped.

“Anyone can fall for it. I mean, celebrities have so many people they can afford to talk to and find out if something is real or not and yet they still get caught up in weird things. Spooky, even.”

The Brain Age Centre is an exclusive group and the only way to be a part of it is by buying the teachings that Bradbury is selling - “sign number one” according to Bradbury.

“There are three signs of a full-blown cult. Sign number one - you have to buy something to be a part of it. Sign number two - it’s hard to get out of the group once you’re involved and sign number three - magical clothing.”

Bradbury denies that the group is a cult.

“All of my teachings are based on pure science. People believe all kinds of weird things anyways. Why can’t people just let us play our game in peace.”

The game isn’t the real issue though according to Shumway. He’s afraid that as celebrities start to latch onto this “bad science” that the claims the game makes will start to be thought of as scientific fact by the regular public.

“Celebrities are held in high regard and are thought of as always being on the cutting edge of thought and technology. I’m worried that if someone like Kanye West is touting the fake benefits of Brain Age that the regular public will start to believe its false claims.”

A spokesperson for Nintendo could not be reached by phone but an email was sent in response to our queries:

“Give your brain the workout it needs. Brain Age 2: More Training in Minutes a Day! available in stores now!”

ahem… Satire: n. - the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc. (i.e. it’s a joke)

An independent developer is readying a program that will emulate the “known-for-its-remote” mech simulator Steel Battalion for Apple’s iPhone. The program is approaching the beta stage and will be available for testing in the next couple of months. People who donated at least $1000 to the project will be among the first to try it out.

The original Steel Battalion game included a monstrous controller that included everything from actual foot pedals to a windshield wipers button. To accommodate this complex set up, players will have to sync up 5 iPhones, one for each part of the original controller. The developers wanted to emulate not only the game but the joystick scheme.

“We’ve figured out a way to link up iPhones to accomplish different types of tasks,” said Royce Weathers, the lead programmer on the project. “It’s such an exhilarating feeling when all of the components come together to create the sensation that you’re actually piloting a giant mech. I mean, with the actual game controller. With our emulator, of course, it’ll feel like you’re using phones to move a digital robot on a tiny little screen.”

Weathers believes that there is a demand for mech simulators in the mobile market. He says that there are plenty of casual games on mobile phones right now and that it’s only a matter of time before more games geared towards the hardcore gamer start to appear.

“There’s only so much time you can devote to playing casual games when you get to my age. I’ve got so many huge games that I have yet to play because I’m stuck on freakin’ Diner Dash. If I had a way to play my hardcore games on the go, I’d really be able to get things done in life.”

The Steel Battalion emulator will be available for all to download in the summer of ‘08.

ahem… Satire: n. - the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc. (i.e. it’s a joke)